So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
