the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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