Who wears a wallet chain?!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
