we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
