why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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