i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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