Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
