A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
