Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
