I have demons in me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
