I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm passing your future prison.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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