Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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