I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
