you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
