I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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