He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
