In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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