Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We left the knife in your bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
