On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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