Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
