Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
