9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
