Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
