you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Your cock deserves a montage
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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