It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
