Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
