Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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