I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
