So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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