I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
