i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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