he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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