Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
