Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
