But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My pussy is not your playground.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
