aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
