I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
