If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
