just come out here and I will go home with you...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
