Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
