Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When are your genitals available?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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