I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
