You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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