Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's paper in my vomit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
