is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
