clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
