i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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