That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
