While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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