we're blogging at a bar
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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