that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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