I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize