I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
