I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I will be naked everywhere
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
