i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
