See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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