The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize