dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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