I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
