oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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