i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Shame is for Republicans.
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