Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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