There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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