Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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