Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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