apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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