just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
