just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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