My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
