Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
