The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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