Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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