Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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