Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
