I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
