so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize