There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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