Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
false alarm, still single
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