Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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