So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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