he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
