i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
