watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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