I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
