Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
