This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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